Hi guys! Sorry I got to this later than I expected! If you saw my blog post earlier I stated that I was going to let you guys know why I have been posting more sporadically lately - so here it is!
I've been having a tough time lately and it's been very difficult to get myself to do much of anything let alone blogging.
Well...especially blogging if I'm being really honest.
I've considered posting about this for a while now, just to let you guys know what is up with me.
I wasn't sure if anybody would care or really be interested at all in my struggles with depression.
Well...especially blogging if I'm being really honest.
I've considered posting about this for a while now, just to let you guys know what is up with me.
I wasn't sure if anybody would care or really be interested at all in my struggles with depression.
I mean you are all here just to see nails, right?
But depression is something that I have been dealing with for many, many years now.
I'm not going to get into it too much, at least for now.
But my depression does affect my life and blogging at times.
I have tried different medications in the past with little to no improvement but currently I'm not talking anything.
Mostly due to lack of insurance right now but that is a whole other discussion! lol.
I also have pretty severe general anxiety and social anxiety so those don't help either.
I believe people should talk more about depression and other struggles in life candidly.
I really hate that depression along with many other mental illnesses and disorders have such a stigma around them.
I'm not going to get into it too much, at least for now.
But my depression does affect my life and blogging at times.
I have tried different medications in the past with little to no improvement but currently I'm not talking anything.
Mostly due to lack of insurance right now but that is a whole other discussion! lol.
I also have pretty severe general anxiety and social anxiety so those don't help either.
I believe people should talk more about depression and other struggles in life candidly.
I really hate that depression along with many other mental illnesses and disorders have such a stigma around them.
Sometimes I just get in a exceptionally bad "funk" and the past month or two have been the worst one in a very long time.
I just genuinely wanted to say that I'm sorry that I have been posting less often, and I am very sorry if you feel the quality isn't always up to par in all my blog posts. I do try my best but some days it can be hard for me to pay the equal attention to detail as other days. I have felt incredibly guilty lately like I am letting you guys down in some way, and even more guilty that my reviewing TAT has been much slower.
I put a lot of stress on myself for blogging and I often worry about it starting to be less fun.
It is sometimes when I'm in these funks and I don't like to force myself so I try not to but then the guilt can rack back up.
So I just wanted to clear the air a little.
I hope that those who read this understand that sometimes I don't post often because I struggle sometimes and give me a little slack. I thought maybe sharing this would ease some guilt that I feel.
I put a lot of stress on myself for blogging and I often worry about it starting to be less fun.
It is sometimes when I'm in these funks and I don't like to force myself so I try not to but then the guilt can rack back up.
So I just wanted to clear the air a little.
I hope that those who read this understand that sometimes I don't post often because I struggle sometimes and give me a little slack. I thought maybe sharing this would ease some guilt that I feel.
If you made it through this than well, you are awesome!
And if anybody else had similar struggles and ever want to talk you can always shoot me an email.
I know it's not always a easy subject to be open about. There were years of my life that I didn't tell anyone.
But you will feel so much better if you do!
I know it's not always a easy subject to be open about. There were years of my life that I didn't tell anyone.
But you will feel so much better if you do!
Keep fighting the good fight. i don't know if you read the bloggess blog, but she has a saying I love: Depression Lies. I too suffer from it (bipolar depression) and anxiety so I know that feel. i walked away from my original blog, a fairly succesful blog, because of it. I know that feeling, I still sometimes don't even feel like blogging my tiny blog. But then one day the fog will lift and I'll be like OH I WANNA BLOG THIS and its like a switch flips and the depression dissipates for a while. Never feel obligated to blog. Never apologize for taking care of you. Never apologize for being human. We're all here and not going anywhere, so take your time and do what you need to make you feel good and get you back to "you".
ReplyDeleteThank you, no I haven't read her blog but now I am and it seems fantastic!
DeleteHow did I not know about this?!
I'm the same way too I just really have no desire to blog or swatch some days but then others I want to SO bad and I'm so excited to! As long as those days still come I will be happy. It's just so sad that on some days the things I love most don't excite me :( Thank you so much for your kind words <3
emailed you sarah <3
ReplyDeleteyou are amazing btw
Thank you so much Melissa, I appreciate it!!
DeleteBipolar here! When I first started Bright Lights Big Color, a month after I had to go into the hospital. I kept blogging. In some ways it helped and others it hindered and then one day I said screw it. I shut it down. I have struggled for years, first diagnosed with depression then my real diagnosis. You are not alone. There are tons of people here for you. Blog when you want to. Take a break when you need. <3 -L, the other crazy attached to Where Beauty is Found
ReplyDeleteThank you so much <3
DeleteLogically I know there are tons of people suffering just like me or worse but it's funny how depression can make you feel so incredibly alone event though you know you aren't. I have worried in the past that I might be bipolar (my mother is) but my old therapist didn't seem to think so. I do feel like I get lows like bipolar disorder does, but I don't really have any "highs".
Depression is a bitch - A. because you feel bad and B. because there seems to be a general public ignorance of the disorder - that it is just a bad mood and you should snap out of it. Depression is a chemical issue in your brain, not a bad attitude - you wouldn't ask a person with cancer to apologise for being sick so please don't feel like you have to say sorry for your depression. Coming out and talking about it is a really brave step. I'm sorry you have to deal with this horrible illness, but the fact that you are able to talk about it gives me hope that you know you can reach out to people if you have to. Sending you lots of love, positive thoughts and big virtual hugs. Keep fighting sweet heart :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Megan, I appreciate your support SO much I can't even say! <3
DeleteDo you. Listen to your survival instincts and have some good good angry lovin if you can fit it in.
ReplyDelete--Irie
Sarah honey, you need to worry about you and how you feel and not worry about anyone else. You come first, and your readers and followers should come last. Hate to say that so blunt, but it is true. Worrying about you and getting to a better place is your first priority. Everyone should understand that. You are a wife and a mother first, and that should come above anything else. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. If I happen to be MIA, then shoot my sexy ass husband a message and he will let me know I need to get my ass on FB. Would you feel better if you got to see his butt ;)I love you girl.
ReplyDeleteTy Crystal <3
DeleteI love you girl lol!
I know my blog shouldn't come first, it's just the only thing I have that makes me feel useful you know? I'm glad I have it so I have some outlet apart from just being a mother - Not that being a mother isn't enough, it is incredible.
I just feel like I have lost some of myself in a way?
Haha I can't lie his ass always makes me laugh LOL
Don't be sorry about posting less often, your health and wellbeing are far more important! Please don't stress over that! You have a bunch of supporting readers here, and we're not going anywhere <3
ReplyDeleteHugs!
Thank you so much hunny! <3
DeleteSometimes I do forget that I have readers and it feels like I'm just posting off into this abyss haha Like I'm typing to myself :P
I'm so grateful that some of you care so much <3
Do what you need to do to clear your head dear. I know what it is like the battle with dark clouds, take as long as you need! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Kerrie <3
DeleteI have exactly what you do, plus inattentive type ADHD. It definitely sucks and anyone who would be mad over you posting less because of it is an insensitive jerk anyways. Do what you can and we're happy to see whatever that is.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Risu, I appreciate it!
DeleteI know what a pain ADHD can be too, my husband suffered from it as a child!
He still has it but through the years it seems to have gotten more mild and he learned to come with it better, but sometimes it still comes out.
Please don't stress about posting being less frequent, I would never want you to feel pressure about posting cause blogging is really meant to be fun, I always love to look at your swatches as theyre lovely no matter how frequent posts are. I've been through it too, unfortunately it was when I was young and I didn't know how to deal with it, thankfully I've found coping mechanisms during the years but there are times when I can slip back into it. I hope you feel better soon as I know it can be the worst feeling ever :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Gillian! It still is fun most the time, I do try to avoid it when I don't feel like it so it stays that way. When I feel the pressure it's mostly to please Brands and Pr / Indies that have reviews waiting. I just feel awful if it takes me longer than I plan to post. :(
DeleteI have learned to cope well over the years, but this year has just been worse in that way. I'm so fed up with always feeling this way! I have been suffering from depression for over 10 years now.
I hope your "ups" comes soon! I have depression too, but have never been on meds (part of my anxiety and social anxiety, I don't want to admit to someone else I have a problem). I find I get in a funk for absolutely no reason, I'm just overwhelmingly sad. Hate that! Anyways, don't be sorry about posting about it on your blog, and don't be sorry about not posting as much! Blogging is supposed to be fun!
ReplyDeleteThank you Angie! I completely understand not wanting to admit it to somebody else, I used to be the same way. Eventually I just stopped caring about hiding it or pretending. Medication hasn't helped any (And if you end up trying medication I wouldn't take Effexor - it was terrible!) Therapy helped more but I never found a person who "fit" well for me. At least not yet!
DeleteYou are an amazing blogger! Don't worry about not posting as often, I think most people who read your blog totally understand. Keep your head up and we will be here when you are feeling up to posting! Thanks for all the hard work you do on the blog, I definitely appreciate it. I wish you luck in getting through your "funks"!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind words Juliana <3
DeleteI hope to feel less funk-y soon! lol
Sometimes I think that people forget that bloggers are first and foremost normal people with our own lives and problems. That being said, I think you'll find the community overall an amazing source of strength and support when things get difficult. I love seeing your blog posts, but I would rather you put yourself first. I don't know if that means taking a hiatus for a little while or just less frequent posts; only you can decide what is best for you. Whatever you decide, I just want you to take care of yourself. And maybe post a mommy/daughter mani shot of occasion ;)
ReplyDelete*hugs*
Thank you Jen <3 *hug*
DeleteI appreciate it so much, I need to try to put myself first it's just hard to do sometimes for some reason! I will do more Mommy & Me manis soon!! ;)
I've suffered from depression for 19 years. Some days are worse than others. I've been on countless medications, and just recently got put back on one because my depression was getting so bad. I was constantly angry and hateful. Last Wednesday was the last straw when I broke down at work and left early. Take care of yourself! We'll be here when you come back <3
ReplyDeleteThank you Patricia, I hope the medicine helps you! <3
DeleteI have tried a few and it's hard to find the right one and the right dosage, hopefully I will someday!
I'm sorry to hear about your battle with depression, and I sincerely hope you find SOME way of making it better. I had undiagnosed depression and anxiety for years and just recently went on Prozac, and my life has gotten a lot better. I'm happy that works for me because it's cheap enough I can afford it when I go off insurance, but I know those type of meds can be super expensive, esp the stronger ones. I wish I could do something to help in that dept, I really do! I wish we could both move to a country with universal healthcare ;)
ReplyDeleteI know how I would get in bouts where nothing seemed enjoyable, even things I like doing (like blogging) so I totally understand. It seems like it should cheer you up ... but it's too much effort. I honestly don't mind if you don't post daily or even weekly - I like seeing your posts whenever they turn up! You're a person with feelings, you should be able to post when it makes you happy and take care of yourself. NICE readers will support you, not get impatient ;) I feel like a lot of bloggers feel like "whining" on their blogs is a bad idea, but if you're going through something, you should be able to talk about it at least once, so your readers can show you some love! :)
*polished hugs*
~Uni at http://iamunicorngirl.livejournal.com (Acetone Files)
Thank you honey!
DeleteYeah some of the medications are insanely priced, my Effexor was $90 a month!
I was worried about posting on here, I'd hate to think readers were thinking I was seeking attention or whining, because I avoid attention in real life LOL
But I thought it would make me feel better to have you guys know and hopefully understand. And it really has so much already, getting this out on here has made me feel a lot better - for now anyway! I appreciate your kind words so much <3
My dad suffers from severe clinical depression and anxiety. It's been really difficult to see him suffer the way he has. In my early 20's he was almost totally bed-ridden for, gosh, two or three years? He is an attorney so it was so difficult to see a disease that basically robbed him of his mind. He was on anti-psychotics among other drugs. He should have been inpatient but he refused and my mom wouldn't make him. Still, many years later we see it bubble to the surface and you can tell when he hasn't been taking his medication like he should. Thankfully, he's much more functional these days. My younger sister suffers from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) and it has been a major personal struggle for her. Depression plain sucks. I've seen what it has done to my own family so I have a lot of compassion for those that also suffer. Be gentle with yourself. Your health and well-being are what's most important! You are fantastic at what you do and one of my very favorite nail bloggers as your swatches are just beautiful! But don't feel obligated to blog. Blog when you feel like it or don't blog at all. Your real followers will be here when you feel like you're more up to blogging regularly again! **hugs** to you and what you're going through.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Camille, I'm very sorry that your family has has struggles from depression :( I think sometimes people don't really understand how seriously it can affect your quality of life and well being.
DeleteEven more reason to get the word out there to me!
The fact that you consider me one of your favorite nail blogegrs is seriously SO flattering and completely put a big silly ass smile on my face!
It's so nice to hear from others that have gone through or are going through the same thing and understand, it means so much to me. <3
The most important thing is to take care of yourself. I have suffered from depression and have an anxiety disorder that took me almost a decade and eight different medications to find the thing that worked for me. I don't think I could have gotten through it without the help of my mom and husband. Everything else is secondary to your health and wellbeing. Take care of yourself, we will all be here!
ReplyDeleteThank you, and I'm so happy to hear that you eventually found something that helped you! That gives me hope! When my depression isn't at it's worse the anxiety is often worse, it can feel crippling. The combination isn't a fun one.
DeleteI will do my best to take care of myself <3
*giant hugs* Oh honey, I literally feel your pain. I've struggled with depression, panic and anxiety for nearly 30 years. I do have a medication for when it gets BAD (ativan). But I'm not on meds because of all the meds I already take, the side effects--esp weight gain. I'm finally losing weight--and I need to--so no meds.
ReplyDeleteThe biggest issue for me right now is that my daughter has gone off to college. I miss her so much.
I can't blog. Heck I haven't even painted my nails in weeks.
I'm here for you if you ever need a friendly ear. I seriously mean that.
Take good care of yourself. I'm not going anywhere, and I'd rather you feel better than struggle to blog.
Sending you loads of good thoughts. I hope you feel better and know you are never alone. xoxo
Thank you so much for your comment!
DeleteIt's the worst when medication helps one thing but then screws with something else :( Mine luckily didn't make me gain weight but it really didn't help and hurt my sex drive, not to mention the price was insane.
I'm sorry you miss your daughter! Mine is only four and when she is away from me for short periods I miss her. Shes asleep right not and I do already!
I wish her luck in college though, you must be so proud of her!
And I hope you feel up to painting your nails soon, I often don't feel like doing mine but usually after they cheer me up!
I really appreciate you taking the time to comment and sharing with me <3
honey, we love you and only want the best for you. i have had depression for many years and it never really gets better, but it is easier at times than others. it helps me knowing there are others out there in similar situations and they are fighting the fight too. you are not alone and i know i and most of us out there would never judge you for taking time to heal. thanks for being so brave and saying these words "out loud". you take care of YOU, my dear. we'll be here loving you just the same.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much Kellie <3
DeleteI'm sorry you have struggles/been struggling with depression too.
It does make me feel better knowing there are others with me,
but then sometimes it makes me sad too. Thank you for being so sweet and supportive <3
I can't imagine a world in which your readers wouldn't want you to take the time to take care of yourself now in exchange for a happier, healthier Sarah for however long you decide to keep blogging. Reviews and posts are things you give from your heart, and should never been construed as an obligation. You do not owe us blog posts, you do not owe polish makers reviews. They are things that you create when you're able to do so, and nothing kills creativity more than depression. (I struggle, too. Three meds later and my creative juices still aren't what they used to be!) It makes me happy that you felt brave enough, and trusting enough, to write this post. And I hope that all the lovely words your readers are leaving you firmly impress upon your heart that you are appreciated and cared for, and that we all want the best for you.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with you Jolene! It definitely affects my creativity at times. I just put too much pressure on myself with blogging sometimes and put a lot of work into it. I'm so happy that so many of you have taken the time to show me such kindness and support, I can;t even express how much it means to me!
DeleteThank you for sharing something so close and personal with us in cyber global community!!! Please don't put yourself under that sort of guilt tent - YOU DON'T OWE US!!! I enjoy your posts whenever you are around and I am so relieved that you step out and fight the stigma about your disease. I lost the love of my life some months back - he died of a sudden heart attack - and experienced as well the reluctance of people to acknowledge sadness and unhappiness in todays world. I thought bummer all and just lived through the first rocky months and am getting better slowly - openess and authenticy were key to me and have helped me navigate stormy weather. Cudos to you and I love your openness and authenticy - I firmly believe this is the only way to walk!!! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteThank you so much *hug*!! I appreciate it SO much <3
DeleteThis is the first time I visit your blog, and immediately something this heavy, lol :-) But I think it's very brave of you to talk about this and to share this with us. That must be hard. But I think it's great that you did it. It gives you the opportunity to let it all out and to vent a little bit, and it gives us an insight in the condition. I hope you find a way out of it though, but in the meantime you are not alone. I wish you all the best. X
ReplyDeleteSorry for the heavy post on your first visit! I hope I didn't scare you off :)
DeleteThank you so much for commenting and leaving me some love! <3
Thank you for helping to de-stigmatize mental illness. I have depression that has been under control for many years now, but I went as low as one could go with depression before I got any help. Please keep reaching out!
ReplyDeleteI work in Suicide Prevention and wanted to leave this information for anyone who may not know where to turn for help. These numbers will bounce you to your local crisis hotline for help and referrals to local resources for further assistance.
1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255)
I-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Anyway, when you feel like blogging, blog, and when you don't, don't. No guilt, it's your blog! I will keep reading no matter how frequent or sporadic you post <3
Thank you Shelby! I was considering including that information in the post but I didn't add it but I'm glad it is here if somebody needs it!
DeleteI appreciate your kind words so much! <3
Love you bunches! I admire you for posting this. I know it's a daily struggle and you know I'm always here. I also know it's hard to reach out, for me esp. Never forget that you have a bunch of friends (even if I'm imaginary ;) ) who love you to death and think you are one awesome chick!
ReplyDeleteSmooches,
~Donna~
Hugs.
ReplyDeleteThis is beautifully written and such a courageous post! Truly admire you for doing this and shedding light on the matter. I can never imagine the ups and downs you go thru, my aunt has depression and I've seen how hard it is to get out of those funks. Please don't pressure yourself into blogging and take care of yourself. And continue being that beautiful awesome a**-kicking Sarah! ^_^
ReplyDelete<3 Sheryl